I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
