Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
