Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
