you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
