im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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