if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
