how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
