I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
