Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
