OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
