ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
