Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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