she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
