hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
