so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
