Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
