Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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