so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
