whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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