I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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