I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
