Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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