Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
