So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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