the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Four minutes until I can fart!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
