Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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