Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize