What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
