One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
