it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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