Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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