Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just pee around me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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