He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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