I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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