Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
