i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she told me i tasted like america
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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