my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
