I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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