do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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