I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
