my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
how does that bad decision feel?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
