it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i out mim tonsoeep
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