she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
