You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the day after is always just damage control
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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