I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
