Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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