new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
