i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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