SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
