I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
