i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
