Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
