Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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