I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
