Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize