i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
