My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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