Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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