Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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