I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
