Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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